LANGHORNE PRESENTS...

Hey Thinkers,
Welcome to my hilarious blog. Here you will meet a bunch of crazy folks that live inside my head. Mostly hateful, nasty critters, but they do make a decent point here and there.
I have one major rule (followed by an ever-expanding pantheon of minor ones): NO PERSONAL ATTACKS.
Think, disagree, argue. Don't be an asshole. My characters will take care of that. Cuss all you want but speak coherently and please proofread your comments.
These things will help you not only look smarter but help you to be taken seriously.
I welcome everyone to choose a side and rebut, refute, bandy, and bicker. Have fun with it.
Enjoy the show.

HUCKLEBERRY FINN (REVISED)

This one was tough. I feel all over the place on issues like this. Yes, nigger is a shitty word. No, we should never use it. (In fact, I probably shouldn’t have used it two sentences ago.) Changing the past to appease anyone is wrong. Or is it?

Podcast – My Slave

I recommend opening the podcast in a new window and reading along.

The Slut’s Facebook Link

I will be posting small rants there soon.

MY SLAVE

SLICK SAMMY has got a good lean going. “Yeah. This is the life,” He thinks. Just as he’s about to light another joint, he sees BRYANT turn the corner and head his way. Bryant looks…Uncomfortable…Something is wrong with him…Looks almost like he has a stick in his ass…He almost looks…White.

Slick Sammy’s curiosity has gotten him in trouble again because as soon as Bryant catches his eye he decides to hail a brother.

BRYANT:  Hey. What’s happening my slave?

SLICK SAMMY:  What the fuck did you call me?

Oh, pardon me. Perhaps you haven’t heard. It’s the currently appropriate slang for nigger.

First of all chump; there is no appropriate slang for the word nigger.  Second, try callin’ me slave again and see if you live.

Oh?  But that new version of HUCKLEBERRY FINN says it’s the way to go.

New version? That Twain joint? Hasn’t he been dead for about a hundred years? Didn’t realize he was still working on that book.

No, no.  Some old southern white guy says it’s okay.

Really. He does realize that Jim isn’t a slave anymore right? Or does he call him “runaway slave Jim” every time? What the fuck is wrong with people?

I think he was trying to open the book to a wider audience.

How? By rewriting it? It ain’t the same thing. All he did was piss on a good book.

If it means children can read it in school, it’s worth it.

This has to stop. No one has the right to change someone’s work. If an artist wants to change it, fine. If Spielberg and Lucas want to ruin their classic movies with new technology, fancy computer shit. Fine. It’s there shit to fuck up. If they try to change Alien or Friday, we stop them. What’s next? The statue of David gets a suit? Venus de Milo gets a prom dress?

But the words are offensive. We don’t need that kind of thing in modern society.

Bullshit. We need to remember how terrible things were or they will come back. It’s idiotic to try and bury the past.

You’re missing the point. If we aren’t allowed to expose people to things than we run the same risk as burying the past. And if that means losing some of the meaning and some of the facts of the time than we should be willing to make that sacrifice.

My dick. Who says we can’t expose people to Huck Finn?

It makes a lot of people uncomfortable.

No shit. You think Twain didn’t know that? You think that wasn’t in his mind when he wrote the fucking thing?

Maybe. How can we be sure? We need to give people the opportunity to make that decision.

I tell you what Uncle Tom why don’t you try changing my words. See what happens.

I’m not trying to make you angry. I just don’t think outdated slang terms are appropriate in the 21st century.

Who says? You think taking words out of my mind is any better than putting them in my mouth?

I don’t think this is quite the same thing.

It’s not huh. So if I took everything you just said to me and, I don’t know, blacked it up a little, you’d be fine with it.

I certainly don’t think that would be appropriate–

“The fuck you say?”

What is it that you are insunuating?

“You steppin’ to me?”

What does that mean?

It’s colloquial. Just like Huck Finn. It ain’t about your dumb ass getting it. It’s about your dumb ass learning something you don’t know. If you change how the information is delivered, you change the meaning as well.

I really have to take umbrage at your–

Tell you what? You take your umbrage and put it next to that stick in your ass.

Slick Sammy pulls out his joint and lights it. After a couple puffs, he offers it to a shocked and disgusted Bryant.

I refuse to indulge in this type of behavior and frankly, I find your demeanor to be gruff and inhospitable.

Okay. You told me. Now I’m going to throw that back to you translated. “Fuck off, motherfucker.”

 

—————————————————————–

DRIVING TIP #1 Using blinkers tells everyone else on the road you know what you’re doing. Not using blinkers lets everyone know you suck baboon asshole.

 

 

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